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1. I was born in a wet afternoon; there was mud all around me; several amoebae pottered around. My father wished me to be a female (please disregard the theories that Adam was the first human creature, it’s all tittle-tattle) because he was curious what it might be the feminine kind. Perhaps he meant it to be an evil experiment or perhaps he was just bored to death back up there, in Heaven. In anyways, he created his first issue in a female body. Last night I asked him when precisely he is going to set me up for a marriage and in exactly how many decades/centuries/eras I would have to become a modern emancipated feminist. In the next town, he said, there was this lad, Pedro, the only one who survived after the Big ‘Boom-Bang’. Pedro was looking for a young and diligent housewife, so he decided to get us married. 2. The big ‘Boom’ was nearly two hundred years ago…sometime in my childhood. My father had conducted the deluge in order to screen a second time the sinners. He said it Gomorra and Sodom looked like a small spilled coffee cup. He granted the Sun an extra holiday bonus for a wee while and sent Prometheus to the creatures ‘downstairs’. Since they are not outstandingly smart, the human creatures found an occasion to fight – some Helena (or something like that) who by the bloody way was a quite evil woman. The very same Helena invented the ‘beauty studio’: you put in some normal women and then you treat them with some painful procedures and then you bring them out as if done under an indigo: skinny, almost bonny, emaciated. The history says Helena taught them some tricks how to experience pleasure when sexually intercourse occurs. I wonder how father let such kind of peoples exist…
3. Today has been raining like hell. Father had hid himself in the basement. Deep inside him he soaked in anger. Finally, he came into the light bringing a torn… torn… tornado. He was about to send someone called Jesus from Italy to go all the way to India. He was supposed to organize a sect and allure as many believers as possible. I think dad was really mad at the time. After the rain stopped I saw a rainbow. I thought I should go under it and see what it is like to be on the other side. I turned in a man. It is not that I did not enjoy it. I did, a lot, in fact. It is just that I find the female views closer to the perfect-ness. That is why I decided to get together a bunch of women and start preaching what ‘independence’ is and more importantly that complicated word… what was it… ah, emancipation. Dad was extremely frustrated and beaten up my band a few times but I already got a few suffragettes at hand. 4. Dad wants to send me in a nunnery so I know what the right path is. In anyways, I thought I should better decide for myself and decline these heathen convictions of mine and practice a wee bit of witchcraft, kabala, numerology and what else. And what of it?! Only the stake is not that appealing… Both men and women knew ‘the stake at their hand’. So you think the earth spins around a vertical line; so you think it is a ball rather than a square… so bloody what?! Does this change the world? 5. It has been a fortnight now in listening about that lad, Pedro, the son of the father but from another marriage of the other town’s woman…?! The father wishes me to marry him, it is obvious, because he could not stand spinsters dusting up around his house. He much more preferred a strong offspring to run around his old feet who he may create in his image.
The wedding went better than expected. The Pedro lad seems alright really. We named our kid Orpheus. The kid has a pretty nice voice. Nice playing as well by the way. Our daughter Jane Austin became a writer, though she never married (poor Jane!) She promised she would but she said she never found something called ‘love’ so she preferred to stay on her own. I still did not get that.
6. The Father is angry today. He has been creating something deep down in the basement. He is thinking of something. Something big and looming. Two days ago he designed the camera and he framed us in something called photographs. Then he popped something else – a typing machine – and taught Orpheus how to write his notes on it. He said it would be easier. The kid enjoyed it. I will wait until dawn today, he might get a machine which would make supper hot again. That would be handy at least! After three days spent in the basement, Father invented a box, a strange and enormous one. He claims there would be hundreds of those and the peoples ‘downstairs’ would sit behind them for good. What an idea! He really had gone mad this time. He nearly would say that there are people on Mars. Oops, he sent some there too. 7. Today we picked mushrooms. Though, they are not for cooking – they contain much more pesticides than actually taste. Father is mad about it. He said if these pesticides continue to spread around, he would invent another ‘boom’ for the peoples… 8. We went shopping with my husband. Oh. Oh.Oh. What a wonderful invention shops are! What shoes, bags, skirts, socks…! What cars! We ate and we drank, we jostled everyone with our plastic shopping bags, we crowded… my soul was fulfilled with sweet pleasure.
9. Today I asked my dad who my mummy was. He looked at me closely and slapped me on my right cheek. “You’re the first woman in the whole world, what are these ramblings for a ‘mother’?! I insisted and he promised to send a fortuneteller who would tell me the ‘truth’. The fortuneteller came in a dark and silent night. S/he came into my room and brought the fear with her/him. S/he promised to get into contact with my mother in the next half an hour. I waited for three hours. It never happened.
10. I saw my mother. It did not happen before I got high. I took a powder. It makes me feel light and happy. The Father moans and groans but after you take the powder everything looses its meaning. My head started spinning… I was rambling about my life, myself, my mother. I never really heard of her. Father said she was too emancipated to talk with her daughter. In anyways, I kept taking the powder. The more I take it, the more I need it. They said it is dangerous for m body but I said that it is the soul that I care about much more… Thought: The ½ is to be left unwritten.
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